Today was depressing, but

I don't know why but today the world was a heavy place to be. everything was on me. school, work, kids, debate, tennis, and life. I don't know why, but I was down. and I'm never down.

part of me just can't shake it. it's so unreal sometimes to miss your mom. it's a weird, weird thing. and I don't understand how it can be there in the back of my mind. when it's been over two months already. i was there. gosh, can you imagine if it was now, and I couldn't get out of Thailand.

so here I am, lying in bed. and I ran to the refuge of the one that protects me. he who can't be named so to speak. it's simple, it was tennis. the one constant in my life. I ran to the court, where people know my name, but that's about it. and it's funny to be at the courts, playing with people who are slightly better and slightly worse than my friends back home. the court is kind of bad--it's faster than glass. I tried new shoes today--bball shoes, what a mistake? I slipped four times.

but there's something in the simplicity of striking the ball. from the warm-ups, to the points. and it's funny because I think I played kind of bad tonight.

but you know in that one moment, as i'm about to strike the ball or the ball is in play, my mind is clear. there's not a thought in my head. there's no tomorrow or yesterday. it's just the ball, the court, and me. and it's fun. the great thing is i played about four sets tonight. and i think i won 2 and lost 2, but it was tight. tiebreaker, 6-4, 6-3, and 4-4. and the points blend in. but it was a raging good time.

and now i'm home about to sleep.

and i'm content. still playing kind of blah, but it's a better day.

what do people do that don't have tennis? i just don't understand.